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How to Heal the Family

Betsy ChassePost

 

Today we’re talking about family and how to heal the family, how to find that reconnect with your family. Because no matter how hard we try, we can’t get rid of our family. Right? It’s like our parents are in our heads, along with our brothers or sisters and our kids. It’s like you can run but you cannot hide from the story of your family. And with the close-knit family, it’s very personal.

So, why is family so “up” right now for you and for so many other people? It’s like a rapid—the rapids on a rushing river—carrying us along. Because the time-space continuum is a river of energy coming from the Source—some would say from the Great Central Sun or the I Am Presence—whatever words one uses, the light or the life force of time and space is a river that’s always pouring. And we’re a part of this river. We are co-creators of this river here in our world. And the missing link to being able to navigate on this river is an understanding of deep mystical love. Mystical love is the love that makes no sense—it’s the love that brings miracles—the love that brings forgiveness and softens rigidity in your heart. It’s the love that opens one’s mind to having a completely different perception of another person.

Say you’ve held a judgment on someone and then, one day, you go like, “Oh, my gosh! I was completely wrong in my perception about this person! How could that be?” That is the power of a mystical love, the love that we don’t understand. But it is this love that is necessary to reconnect us with those we love. But what happens when we come from a broken family? What happens when there are experiences in our family that we just can’t seem to heal from? What do we do? Well, the first step is to take care of your heart. Take care of your heart. Have a meditation as part of your practice that is an affirmation of self-love, a mantra of self-love that will help you find a bridge for healing brokenness, whether it’s with close family, neighbors, or whoever. Always, the first step is to come from a place of greater wholeness in oneself.

Now, of course, we will never be fully whole. But we can be more complete by taking care of our hearts and mending our hearts back together with prayer, with affirmation. This really is the first step to healing any kind of brokenness that you’re experiencing in your life. It’s needed so that you can have connection—deep connection—that satisfying connection where you feel, “Wow! Everything’s right in the world. I’m not afraid!”

Imagine what that would feel like to say, “I am not afraid. I don’t have fear.” Because we’re all afraid today. There are lots of reasons to feel afraid. But in order to meet the challenges that are in front of us healing our close family and our global family, we must access this place of not feeling fear. So, here is an affirmation I’m going to give you to heal your heart—an affirmation I use. And it’s just so simple: First thing when you wake up in the morning, sit up in bed (or you can stay lying down, it doesn’t matter). Or if you have an altar, go there. Or have tea! It doesn’t matter. But just take a few moments to go within, look within, and say this prayer:

“Beloved heart, golden heart, my golden heart of eternal life, thank you for being my heart. I love you so. You are a magnificent heart, and this morning I send you the healing light of creation of all that is to fill you and heal you. I know you feel broken. I know there are hurt places inside and that you have thoughts where you just can’t let them go. But today I’m going to fill you with light, the healing light that will mend the places you feel broken. I see you becoming this magnificent golden heart, completely full, a vibrant energy, completely whole, completely safe. I see you healing and I send you the light, the forgiving light to forgive you for misunderstandings and to forgive those who misunderstood you. I affirm that we are together, here in the central pillar of peace, the core of my soul. Today I will go forward together with you in wholeness. My beautiful heart, let’s go!”

This prayer, or anything similar to it, speaking to your heart, is really the first step to healing from any brokenness in your family. And then the next step is to say this affirmation when you think of that trauma, you think of that brokenness, or you go to a family function. Say this affirmation before you go. And then the third step I want to share is about going into mystical love—the kind of love that is beyond the norm, the healing love—embracing the core value of to love no matter what. When I first understood what my core value is, it was to love. But then a voice came about five months later, and the voice said, “Oh, there’s a piece you forgot. Your core value is to love no matter what. And that’s going to be really hard.”

Now, please understand, to love no matter what doesn’t mean that you put up with bad behavior.  It does not mean that you allow someone to abuse you or to speak harshly to you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t stand up for your rights. To love no matter what means that you speak with wisdom and clarity and truth whenever it’s necessary. And when there is a disturbance or a disconnect, even though there is this disconnect, to love no matter what means you still are having an experience of divine connection with the other soul. You don’t disconnect. You don’t shut down.

We’re really talking about energy here, the unseen experience of our human existence. And that unseen experience of human existence is really what’s driving the entire ship. It’s the engine. And until we go down into the engine room and start fine-tuning the engine, the ship is going to be off course. That’s what the mystic is about. We go down into the central palace of our being and say, “Okay, how am I going to make this engine work?” And we pick up the tools of thought and energy, knowing that when we pray there’s an energy—that our thoughts are energy and that our feelings and emotions are energy—that everything is pure energy.

So, when you’re having any disturbance, consciously stay connected to the other person in an energetic field of love. This is not easy to do, especially when your heart is enraged with anger. I’ve shared before that I’m quick to trigger. I get angry easily, so I know exactly what that feels like. But I also know you can take a moment in that anger and go into that prayer, that meditation, and quickly soften the flames and come into a state of wisdom. You are accessing your great wisdom when you do this. And you use every opportunity that can possibly happen, every potential that is in the myriad of potentials for healing for a relationship to occur. And healing will happen. I have seen it over and over, not just in my life but in so many lives of people I’ve worked with and shared this with. Healing occurs. And it happens in a kind of magical way.

What I mean is that, often a person who’s been abusive will just stop being abusive. They may change and even come back to apologize. And you’re saying to yourself, “How in God’s name did that happen?” Well, it happened because you made a decision to be the one to hold the light, to be the mystic in the world and hold the possibility of love no matter what. And that love, that connection, works. It works in a very deep way. It works down in the bowels of the ship in the engine room and gets the engine working right. Because the reason we have all the disturbances—the pain, the suffering, the hardship—the reason we have all these experiences of being “only human” is because the engine room is broken. The connectors are connected wrong, the steam is going into the engine where the oil is supposed to be and the oil is where the water is supposed to be. And in this mass state of confusion and chaos it’s a miracle the ship is moving at all.

That just shows how much divine help we have! But we can fix the ship. Not by painting it a new color or by putting in windows. That helps. But to really create a change we have go down into the engine room, go down into the deep places in our heart and our soul and infuse everything with conscious connection—the conscious activation of divine thought, divine light, divine wisdom, and virtue. These are the virtues that we read about all the time but that so few people nowadays are actually trying to live by and use. People, for the most part, are not acting out of virtue these days. Which means it’s even more important that you and I join together in the deep reservoir of our souls and live in the virtue of this place, this unseen place, the place of deep mystical connection.

So, the first two steps in healing are the prayer—the mantra to heal your own heart—and your decision to enter a room where you feel afraid with that mantra in your heart. Before you walk into a tough situation with someone you can say this mantra in about 10 seconds and then hold a field—a state of consciousness from your Silent Watcher—of no matter how badly this goes, I’m going to love no matter what. I’m going to be in the frequency of love. And this will allow you to access wisdom, your divine wisdom, your divine intuition of how to move forward and how to heal.

Remember, there’s zero tolerance for abuse. You walk away from an abusive situation. You say, “No thanks!” while knowing you can still hold the love while protecting yourself.

And then the last piece, which is very important to heal from a broken family relationship, is to have mindfulness. Practice understanding why another person would be coming from that place of anger or abuse. It doesn’t mean that you let them behave like that or that it’s okay. Understanding doesn’t get them off the hook. But it’s important for you. Why would they be coming from this place? What makes the other person tick? What are the mechanisms of that person that they would behave like this?

The Kabballah teaches that in the understanding of another person’s point of view, by understanding where they’re coming from, it actually gives you a power, a spiritual power that is exercised in two ways: 1) To rebuke or to say “No! This is not to be tolerated.” (Even though I understand where it’s coming from.) And 2) It is the key to true forgiveness.

As we all know from Christian and Buddhist teachings, the most important spiritual element is to forgive. But many times when we forgive we haven’t really forgiven, have we? We just kind of say, “You’re forgiven.” But there’s still a lot of pain inside. True forgiveness occurs only when we can understand deeply why a person would behave in a certain way. And then, with that understanding, that love no matter what, that divine presence, that grace, appears. That’s how grace appears. And you can actually develop a practice around having grace appear in your day as opposed to just waiting for her to show up. You can actually foster the environment for grace. And that’s when grace comes. And you know it when you’ve experienced the miraculous power of grace. Which is really what we’re here for right now, bringing more grace into our world. Because, God knows, we need a lot of grace right now.

I hope these steps, these ancient wisdom tools that I have been so fortunate to glean from the sacred texts and experience, can help you. I use them in my life every day and it’s an honor to bring them to you. Please use them. They really do work. For example, I’ll tell you a little story about Betsy.

Betsy co-created the film What the Bleep Do We Know!? with my husband Will. She also wrote the book, Tipping Sacred Cows. So, Betsy is on board, helping me bring this message to the world. And the other day she told me, “Diedre, you’re kind of rubbing off on me.”

And I asked her, “How so?”

And she said, “I met this person I haven’t seen in a year and she said, ‘Wow! You’ve changed. What happened?’ And I said, ‘Well, there’s this woman I’m working with and she lives by this code of love no matter what and I have to read everything she does, edit it, and make films out of it. And because of this, I’ve changed. I’ve changed profoundly.’

Betsy said I could share this story so you could know these tools work. They really, really do. So, have a beautiful day … and become the mystic. Get into the engine room. Love no matter what. Practice these tools. And thank you for being part of my soul pod. Thank you for opening your mind and awakening to the mystical understanding of life, helping to make this world the better place we all dream of.